Words Spoken Too Soon

So okay, I was wrong, alright?

Erik DID express an interest in me.

And I thought the "danger" was over. I was so wrong.

Late in the night, I received an SMS from him. "Hi, I know it was late, but this is the only time I am free. Time has passed, are you seeing anyone or have someone in mind? If not, can we have a chit chat this Saturday over tea?"

I was like: WELL!!

I hate to say this, but my first instinct was vexation. That's right, not horror, not revulsion, not love, not pleasantly flattered.

Just Vexed.

Here I am, not a sweet young thing anymore, certainly not a beauty like Cinderella, but not a contender for the role of Cinderella's step sisters either.

WHY ME?!

I was more upset with the fact that he is sooo much older than me, that I could not imagine why he thought we could get together. Our state of minds are worlds apart! We don't have common interests! He's nice, but ... he's not the guy I want!! Why don't I get the ones I want, but always have those that I don't, foisted upon me?

I think the man, bless his soul, has decided to settle for convenience and companionship, rather than love. At first, I thought, perhaps I ought to accept him, since, you know, I'm no young chick and hey, here's someone who's willing to give a go at it. Afterall, who marries for love at my age? Come on, be REALISTIC!

But in my heart of hearts, if I were to ask myself honestly, if I'd rather settle down because I am tired of being lonely, never mind about love, I coudn't do it. No way could I do it. I'm far too honest with myself. And I thought I'm alright with compansionship, the "it's better that he loves you more than you love him" kind of thinking.

I couldn't. I just couldn't.

After thinking of ways and means to turn him down nicely, I was originally planning to reply him in such a way that "whether I'm attached or eyeing someone, we can always have tea". But my courage failed me - I don't think I have the courage to hear someone proclaim their interest in me, only to have me cruelly turn them down, no matter how gently I word it.

I'm sorry, man, but I just couldn't. In the end, chicken-hearted me just sms-ed back that 'I'm sorry but I've gotta work this weekend. Can't have tea'.

Ah, the resultant silence was such a godsend.

*****

A week later, we were all at tea at McDonalds'. He footed the bill first for all of us and declined to accept my payment. I insisted and passed him the cash.

That had settled the issue convincingly and conclusively!