An Interesting Problem

It seemed to me that it's almost natural that I will be seen as a perceived threat, where P is concerned.

Right after salsa class, S asked if I'm P's girlfriend. I'm not sure what made me say it, but I spoke honestly that I find "P not bad, too bad I'm not his gf, but would love to have opportunities to know him better."

End of story? Nope.

Next day, T called me on a pretext to tell me more abt Kota Kinnabalu. Of which, I responded politely but silently wondering what is this all about. She brought up the issue of S asking me if P is my boyfriend and I said "yeah".

The real discovery was that S had made known her feelings to P, but was rejected with a motherhood story. S and T were thus discussing if I'm actually seeing P (that being the proabable reason for the rejection), even though I remember clearly on recent occasions I have clearly stated that I'm not seeing anyone, in response to S' queries.

The best part is, P thought Alex is seeing me, not T (yeah, this developed out of the retreat). And nobody bothered to clarify the entire episode that I'm still single and available.

For I'm a perceived threat, you see, and since one can't have P, the others can't, either.

That accounts for the sudden questioning.

That also accounts for why P treats me so formally nowadays.

Sigh. So it's a matter of each man for himself. What makes S thinks that if P rejects her, it's a sure thing that he'll accept me? Love does not work that way.

It doesn't. If it truly does, I would have not suffered so much in my past relationships.

Kingsley surprisingly was very supportive about my frank reply and about me expressing myself or showing hints to P. Not to frighten people, as he would often say, but to have some self-confidence and see if he wants to sms, talk, go for tea/supper etc with me.

One phrase from him will always ring very clearly in my mind, "You want to be able to look back 10 years later and say that 'yes, you've not missed the opportunity and given yourself a fair chance of trying.'"

I'm so glad that Jo praised me for my openessness. I really had no wish to scheme for a man, but to be as natural and discerning as possible.

And I used to think openness would sound a death knell of sorts to any hopes between me and P.

Dear Partner, you know how I see the whole thing. I just want to place the whole thing into Your Hands. You know best, and I trust that nothing but the best be given to me. Amen.